Sparks & Fireworks
Dear Hortense,
What does it feel like when you find safe, stable, lasting love? Did it take a while to grow? And…was it still sexy?…
I recently heard, if you feel sparks or fireworks, run for the hills, because it is probably a trauma bond & I was really taken aback!
I’m like…wait…if there is no chemistry, how do I know I like them?
- Taken Aback
Dear Taken Aback,
Safe, stable, lasting love feels safe, stable & lasting. It does not feel like fireworks.
I have never felt sparks or butterflies with my husband.
I have found, in hindsight, those feelings were intuitive responses & part of the high/withdrawal cycle of anxious/avoidant situationship. I experienced sparks when an unavailable/avoidant man showed interest in me. I experienced butterflies when he offered me breadcrumbs of attention, affection, commitment...OMG MAYBE I’M WORTHY. Gross. My husband & I fell in love within days of meeting & that feeling was warm, full bodied & completely grounding. It is still what the daily experience of loving him feels like years later.
I was told by my older, wiser girlfriends to RUN from butterflies & did not listen for some time. After enough anguish of doing it the other way, I was ready to be happy.
x
Hortense
