Monogamy Before I Meet His Mom
Dear Hortense,
I have been dating my dream partner for about 4 months now (met about a year ago, but we both had partners at the time). He recently said "I love you" & asked me to meet his mom. This is all super sweet, but he has said he wants to take it slow & now he is the one speeding it up.
I set a boundary that the next step for me would be monogamy. He said he is not ready to jump back into a relationship because he has unresolved issues he needs to work on, but also does not want to lose me. I am heartbroken, because I know this is a boundary & he is just a reflection, but he is literally EVERYTHING on my list! What are the energetics around this? Is there another side I am missing?
- Next Step Monogamy
Dear Next Step Monogamy,
Does he not realize that he is in a relationship with you? Just because he is not willing to stop sleeping with other people (I am sorry to be blunt, but that is what it means when someone does not commit to monogamy), does not mean he is not fully participating in a relationship. I have been in the relationship you are describing many times, so I have no judgment of you, just experience & unfortunate wisdom to share.
It is my experience that when a man wants you to be his partner, he will make you his partner & will not take no for an answer (in a non-creep way). He will always be available for sex with a woman he thinks is amazing & loves spending time with. The real question to explore is what your understanding of love is, what you want in a partner (commitment & fidelity are number ones for me, which I have with my husband I manifested through this work). If I could go back in time, I would immediately stop dating these people. I would not go to one particular man's home for Thanksgiving WEEKEND (which I fully did & was not his girlfriend, but he loved me, right? He just needed time, right?)
The good news, or maybe just the news is, it doesn't matter what you do. Your manifestation is going to find you, no matter what. You can keep dating him & see what happens. Maybe he will be the one that turns around, I do not know. You can also keep dating him & let it burn out & be in such deep pain that you will actually be ready to stop settling for relationships like this. Or you can break up with him today, live in your authenticity & be fully single, so your actual partner can find you.
I am really sorry this is happening, but it is an amazing opportunity to prove to the universe that you actually want to manifest partnership (this is not a partnership) & that you believe you are worthy of it. You got this.
x
Hortense
